Definitely my favorite. Again, a long read, but an amusing 10 minutes. My "companies" are tie-in websites from Doctor Who. The pictures are the actual ones sent to me by Mr. Cookies and the one I sent him.
My reply in bold.
-- Jess
*****
I am in receipt of your mail and as earlier stated, I am Adrein Jones of 42 Mobil road, Freetown, Sierra Leone and a staff of Adjones International Ltd.
I am acting as representative of Mrs. John Addo as we are interested in engaging your services as manager of a large volume of funds for investment purpose. The amount of funds in question is Twenty Million USD, which has been set aside for direct investment overseas, I studied your listing on www.allfreelancework.com and we decided to contact you and have you implement this investment.
Mrs. Rose Addo, who is the wife of late Major. Addo John extracted that her late husband during his tenure as Finance Minister here in Sierra Leone made payments to foreign and local contractors and for this, they gratified his office. It was through this gratification that he accumulated funds and deposited it with a finance firm based in Europe.
We therefore, invite you to come forward and help invest this fund as your listing gives us satisfactory remarks. Major. John Addo deposited this fund with the finance firm stating in his mandate, that in due time, the funds will be released to the beneficiary being his foreign business partner, whose name was not mentioned. I was made to understand by his wife that the reason for this mandate was to give the funds a security of protection that the funds do not belong to Major Addo rather a foreign partner.
We have decided that you will invest these funds and act as the investment manager, whereby you will run and manage the business on your own on partnership basis with Mrs. Rose Addo. We also agreed to offer you 20% of this fund, which we consider as fees for your know-how in investing funds and managing it.
I will wait to receive your acceptance to give you further information and request confidentiality on your part.
I await your mail.
Adrein
*****
Hello Adrein,
This sounds fantastic! As I'm sure you already know, I
am exceptionally qualified for financial management,
having opened a checking account for myself just last
year. You can count on my discretion and
confidentiality; I won't let you down. Please write
back and tell me what I need to do to help.
X's and O's to Mrs. Rose.
Thanks again,
Jessica
*****
Jessica,
It is nice to hear from you again. I have made important inquiries to ensure we secure fund transfer safely from the bank in Europe.
I discussed this matter discretely with my lawyer and he advised us on what to do to have smooth fund transfer from the bank without hitches. My lawyer’s name is Barrister Miller and he request his role be kept confidential but added I may send you his contact if you wish to reach him for further advice.
I have told you how late Major made this fund and deposited it with the bank in Europe through a finance firm. My barrister advised we must procure certain documents here in Sierra Leone to give the impression that you had in the past done a contract here for which the said sum was paid to you. Barrister Miller assured that documents will be backdated to reflect date fund deposit was made with the bank.
Barrister Miller explained that we will have to register your company here with the authorities and when that is done, we will procure documents relating to contract awarded and contract completed by you, as this will proof source of fund to the bank. In this respect, Barrister Miller has explained to me what it will take us to have this process completed with the officials of the authorities here and he also promised to assist us talk to the officials who will procure these documents.
Barrister Miller has told me clearly how much it will cost me to have the officials paid and mobilized for this process. He also told me that when this process is finalized, the bank in Europe would require receipted endorsements from us, which will attract bank fees. This is the position we find ourselves and this is the reason I contacted you and asked for your assistance.
I cannot handle this alone and need to work with you if we must finalize fund transfer successfully with the bank. The cost of mobilization here will almost take my savings and I have committed myself to handle it. I will need your commitment in same manner that you will handle any matters that will arise during your correspondence with the bank. This commitment is important, as endorsement from the bank will attract fees, which Barrister Miller said we will know when you contact the bank.
Mrs. Rose Addo would like to know if you have found a good location were she will reside with her children on arrival to your country. She will also like to know if there are good private schools in that location and she was particularly interested in knowing your marital status. I have contacted a traveling agent who is working on our traveling documents and he promised on delivering.
I will wait to receive your mail.
Adrein
*****
Adrein,
I have received your letter with much interest. This
is definitely an investment I'm well suited to handle.
The bank fees will be no problem as I'm already
wealthy, pretty much beyond my wildest dreams, but I'm
also bored and the naughtiness of this project excites
me. Please, have Barrister Miller contact me.
To Mrs. Rose, no, unfortunately I am not married. I
suffer from a condition called Imminent Death Syndrome
(IDS) and it makes most commitments near impossible,
which is why I'm always seeking action to live for the
moment. Also I have dipsydoodlitis. Anyway. What part
of the country does she want to live in? I will make
inquiries as to which state will be best for her and
her children.
Honestly I begin to worry about our security. Perhaps
we should speak in code, or at least use code names.
From now on I will be Ms. Kitty, and you will go by
Mr. Cookies. This will ensure our success. Take care
my friend, and watch your back out there.
Ms. Kitty
*****
Ms Kitty,
I have discussed with Barrister Miller and he informed me he would need your information such as;
1. Your company name you will prefer we use for registration here.
2. The Address of said company
I asked Mrs. Rose the part of the country she will prefer to live and she said I should seek your advice in that regard since you know better than her. I confirm the code names you sent and think it was thoughtful of you.
I will wait to receive this information and will submit it to Barrister Miller.
You may contact Barrister Miller through his email: victormiller@lawyer.com
I await your mail.
Mr. cookies
*****
Mr. Cookies,
Thanks for using the code names. This is so much safer. I can just feel that we are going to have a great partnership....thank you for trusting me. I actually own two companies, and these are their websites:
http://www.millingdaleicecream.co.uk/
http://www.cybusindustries.net
Before giving you the address of these companies though, I need some assurances that I can trust you. A photograph of you and Mrs. Rose together, or priority shipment of your firstborn perhaps. But I ask too much of you, my friend. A notarized fax transmission and your signature will suffice. If this is agreeable I will give you my fax number. It's nothing big, just a little note to say you care.
Mrs. Rose will be so excited--I have found the perfect place for her: a beautiful family oriented town called Quantico. If she cannot afford living there it will be no problem because I know someone who is willing to help her with money. Besides, Quantico is known for government-supported living accomodations and she will have no trouble getting in.
Well, I must sign off. My dipsydoodlitis is making me feel ill, and I sense a flare up of my IDS tomorrow. I am still up to this challenge, and will write to Barrister Miller accordingly.
Ms. Kitty
*****
Hi Barrister Miller,
Mr. Cookies said I could contact you for details about our impending arrangement. I look forward to working with you. I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm already a successful businesswoman but I am always looking for new opportunities. Also, you probably know this from Mr. Cookies, but I suffer from IDS (Imminent Death Syndrome) so I live to seize the day. These are my two companies:
http://www.millingdaleicecream.co.uk/
http://www.cybusindustries.net
Tell me, is Mr. Cookies an upstanding man? Since you're a lawyer at lawyer.com I really trust your opinion. How long have you known him? Please tell me what you know about him and Mrs. Rose and if you think I can trust them.
I look forward to hearing from you soon. Our mutual friend and I have been using code names for security (he's probably already told you), but you need to use one too or else our cover may be blown. You will be know from now on as Knight Sir Bunny. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ms. Kitty
*****
Ms Kitty,
Please find attached pictures of Mrs. Addo Rose and her children.
I have already forwarded my profile to you with full address. I did that for the prupose of trust and expect you reciprocate that trust.
To ask me to send further proof of my person is ridiculous.
I will wait to receive your address.
Mr. Cookies
*****
Mr. Cookies,
Sorry to have caused offense at the suggestion of
further proof of your person, but I hardly think it's
fair to call my wanting to meet your firstborn
ridiculous. It's highly insulting. In America
firstborns are often bartered as insurance in
respectable business transactions--it's quite
customary. You would do well to better familiarize
yourself with our traditions.
Regardless, I think it wise we proceed with our plan.
My lawyer advised me that it would be best if I deal
with the bank in Sierra Leone directly and give them
my information on the phone. What is the contact
information for the bank we're using? I'll call them
as soon as I hear from you.
Ms. Kitty
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